I have a lot of photos to take and edit and upload and write about, but suffice it to say, I’ve got some purchases from the past few weeks that I haven’t shared my thoughts on yet. (Teaser: Lancôme, MAC, Maybelline, Milani, Revlon, Sally Hansen.)
As summer gets nearer, things paradoxically both slow down and get busier. I have a package to send out (I haven’t forgotten about you, fellow redditor!), a package to receive, things to find, dresses and shoes to put on, lists to compile, even more things to purchase and review and use (I’m planning [no sure bets] on getting my hands on some ELF, OCC, Sugarpill, Inglot, and RBL), tests to take, a buttface to not-so-secretly resent, furniture to shop for, appointments to attend, a dog to cater to, issues to work out, cleaning to do, and maybe–next month–a cake to eat. Perhaps, then, I can relax fully, at least until August.
fuuuuuuck, can’t i just stay in bed…
Filed under: Humor, Writing | Tags: get off my lawn, teenagers, the motto, yolo, you only live once
I jumped on the bandwagon of telling people my own age to get off my lawn a long time ago. Here, we continue driving.
You Only Live Once…unless you’re Hindu. But then, you’re probably not too concerned with coming up with excuses for partying; you’re too busy writing poems for cows. And even if you’re not Hindu, you might believe in some form of everlasting life. But I digress.
YOLO is the current bane of my young existence. These fucking kids, man. You actually don’t need a motive to have fun beside the fact that it’s fun per se. What are you trying to prove, and to who? It’s not a valid reason for anything except You Only Die Once.
Filed under: Beauty, Nail Polish | Tags: blue, green, jesse's girl, nail polish, nails, purple, revlon, wet n wild, will the punny polish names never end?
Pinkie—index: The polishes referenced in the title. Thumb: 207 by Inglot over Macbeth by Butter London; lighting: ambient indoors
So I finally got around to buying more stuff to swatch (makeup is expensive and food is more fulfilling in the short term, okay?). I ended up with three nail polishes today from CVS, and a while ago two nail polishes that I completely forgot to swatch from Rite Aid, and now that I think about it, two more polishes from Rite Aid that I never posted my swatches of. Crap. Well, I’m not changing the title now.
[time lapse while I edit photos] Oh, yeah. This is going to be long and picture-heavy. (Isn’t it always?) (more…)
Filed under: Miscellaneous
Here are a few posts and articles that’ve caught my eye recently. Enjoy!
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Breasts according to Beauty Woo Me (as an owner of boobs, I approve of Kate Upton)
PARTY HARD via the L.A. Times (I went to this show…everything said in the article is true. And I got a drumstick out of it)
MAC’s By Request collection at Temptalia and Scrangie (I already know what I want. Now, to get money)
Sephora + Pantone = an orange-er theNotice (graphic design and makeup in one!)
Bucholz continues to be insane over at Cracked (comedy writing is now my dream job)
Models are tortured souls, admits theNotice (I still have a latent desire for that, despite it all)
ReBeLs knows their colors: Swatches at Scrangie and All Lacquered Up (I have been looking for that perfect blue forever—IKB:2012 is the one)
And on a final and more serious note, the SPLC is full of shit.
Filed under: Humor, Miscellaneous, Writing | Tags: cat, catdog, dog, ludicrous, preposterous, ridiculous, something else ending in -ous, the neverending debate, the neverending story...FAAALCOOOOOR
I found this collecting dust with my unpublished, unfinished rough drafts. It’s a few months old, so some of it’s a bit passé, but I decided to polish it up. If you want more of this type of writing, I highly recommend Cracked.
In the interest of transparency, I would like to preface this debate [with myself] by saying that I am a well-established “dog person.” Let the transcripts show it. (Is that what they say in court? I haven’t watched Judge Judy, People’s Court, et cetera since my family got cable in 2009 Thanksgiving. That’s how old this post was, y’all.) I will try to not let this affect my journalistic attempts to chronicle the virtues and vices of canines and felines. (Does “and” have any synonyms? I feel as if I think I know I’m being redundant.)
Now, to retcon any and, especially, all fair and balanced coverage promises: Dogs are fuckin’ awesome. Shit, yo. They need their own overenthusiastic advertisement.
Dogs. Do I even need to tell you why they’re humans’ best friends? Just look at the word “dog.” (No, not because it’s “God” backwards, pamphlet-giver.) Now say it. Now look back to “dog.” This is the word “cat” could be, but isn’t, because cats smell terrible. My point is, “cat” is a fucking asshole of a word. “Dog” is laid-back and chill as fuck. You have to contort your face to say “cat,” with its sharp consonants and annoying vowel; not so with “dog.” Just say it, then lay back in your armchair and relax. Smooth, like silk. (Or a dog’s coat. ‘Cuz you can wash it.)
You, the reader who has few social skills and even fewer friends, interject [rudely]: “Of course cats are assholes. They’re independent and smart and skilled predators. Dogs just lay around and chase their tails and chew their balls.”
Well, reader–I, for one, am offended by your blatant disregard for potheads’ cultural customs. Regardless, cats aren’t even “smarter” than dogs (thanks for including sources for your information).
As for your cat being a skilled predator…. What, for more feline marijuana? You hypocrites disgust me. At any rate, you know what being skilled predators makes them? Ninja. Utterly deplorable.
Now that I have established that dogs are lovable pirates with eensy, adorable, peg legs, let me denounce cats further, because I felt the need to segue into the exact same topic.
Cats are quite simply not as cute as dogs. No bullshit, straight-up, 100% pure, uncut cocaine.
Catnip is a gateway drug.
Have you seen those cats with the flat faces? My God. They’re not adorable, they’re fucking pitiful. Upon glancing at them, I almost want to put them out of their teary-eyed misery, just so no one has to clean their inbred faces again. Also, tigers (which are cats) are one of two mammalian species whose young are less cute than the adults. The other species? Kangaroos, because kangaroo babies are still alien jelly bean fetuses attached to monumentally long nipples (the hentai I had to sit through to find that). Anyway, fuck cats.
So, to play Devil’s advocate (Al Pacino, not Keanu Reeves), why are cats cool? Because they are evil. Pure motherfucking undercover evil. Now, almost everyone I reveal this to thinks I am crazy, so let me present this simplistic argument to your simple mind: Do Bond villains have pet dogs? No, they damn well do not. They simply do not. Who did the ancient Egyptians, oppressors of Moses and possibly Jesus Himself, worship? Cats. (Who do Hindus worship? Cows, who are very obvious in their wish to greenhouse us with farts, which is adorable indirect.)
And, what is bad about dogs? Let me rack my brain.
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If you don’t take care of them, they suffer, and you feel guilty forever.
Filed under: Miscellaneous
If you’ve been on the Internet for more than a day, you’ve probably noticed that there are limitless amusing apps, sites, services, et cetera at your disposal when you want to slack off. These are their stories this is a post about one of them.
To make a long story short by not telling it, I found I Write Like and curiosity got the best of me. Here are the true authors of my wordier blog posts:
Feminism vs Masculism: Some dude named David Foster Wallace. I actually didn’t know that he was the author behind some of those books…aw man, I’m prolific, y’all.
Terrible Idea #0163: Writing Under the Influence (in retrospect, this title was a bit of a mouthful for a stoner): Not Hunter S. Thompson, but rather Cory Doctorow. I am almost disappoint.
Motivation and Self Esteem: Once again, David Foster Wallace. I get the feeling he’s not a happy person.
Are You Up?: Um…Cory Doctorow. What the fuck does this dude even write about?
Meanwhile: Okay, now we’re talking. Motherfucking H. P. Lovecraft. Although I ctrl+f’d and didn’t find a single mention of R’lyeh in that post, so this result is confusing. But I like this result…. I’m going to write like that more often.
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META BONUS! This post: Cory goddamn Doctorow. I’m forced to assume that Mr. Doctorow is a narcissistic, pervert junkie. Which is quite all right with me.
Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: keds, music, reign of terror, sleigh bells, so fucking good, the cover has an awesome andrew w.k. vibe
Go buy this album as soon as possible.
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photo via mushroom group
Filed under: Beauty, Makeup, Nail Polish | Tags: lancome, mac, makeup, maybelline, nyx, obsessive compulsive cosmetics, occ, sleek, swatches
Title is self-explanatory. Coming to you live (not) from my small (for a blogger) collection, here are photos and descriptions of my favorite products! Note that these are what work for me, not necessarily for you. Links lead to a product’s page on its company’s website.
Filed under: Serious Business, Writing | Tags: egalitarianism, equality, feminism, gender, i'm on a roll with these posts this week man, masculism, sex, the great divide
This post is the result of discussions, some civil and constructive and others pointless and obscene, I have had on reddit.
For a budding giveafuckaboutcivilrightser and a female, it’s sort of…default to become a feminist. Of course, I mean myself, but I get really self-conscious about using I at the beginning of every sentence. Anyway, yes, I’m a feminist.
I’ll be the first to admit that it can be very easy to come from a place of “victimhood” and become a so-called feminist because you’re tired of the evil patriarchy making you feel bad about everything. Staying in one place never really works out for anyone, though. If a feminist isn’t able to adjust their opinions, then they are really more of a misandrist.
Adjusting my opinions is just what I love to do. I love to learn, find out the truth, and weigh the emerging facts against my lurking preconceptions. I love to evolve, put proverbially (not scientifically). That’s why, as a redditor, I don’t just subscribe to feminist subreddits. I subscribe to r/mensrights, r/masculism, r/equality, r/egalitarianism, etc. Again, I still identify as a feminist (due to my personal experiences, feminism is my pet cause), but I wouldn’t be comfortable keeping that label if I didn’t give a fuck about men. I refuse to be a bitter man-hater, because that would mean that ~the patriarchy~~ has won, and that I have lost.
But what the fuck is a patriarchy*? Sure, I cursed it sarcastically when I stopped shaving my underarms. I’ve heard this and that about the male gaze and rape culture, and how men are always in charge of women. But what about women who sexually harass men, men who are falsely accused of rape, and men who have been attacked by women? If you think that those issues aren’t as important as their feminists equivalents–because men’s problems are “not as prevalent”–you are no longer the marginalized group. You have become the oppressor. Congratulations, you’ve become what you hate most.
If you’re not willing to share power, and simply want to turn the tables, please get the fuck off of my feminist lawn. I’m trying to keep my grass nice and green, and you’re pissing all over it. Stop ruining feminism for everybody (that includes you, misguided “masculists,” who are also using your status as an underrepresented group to play victims).
Stop being full of shit, please.
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* It is my belief that a great number of injustices are levied against people (hell, even the environment) because of some sort of manifestation of the greed and power-seeking of the world’s decision-makers. Case in point: Sexist, racist, and otherwise offensive ads. Who decides that a person should be marketed to in a certain way because they fit a certain demographic? The powers that be. That the powers that be may be male has no relevance. Sexism is, on a macro scale, part of a grand scheme.
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Anyone’s two cents are welcome in the form of a comment, assuming that they are thoughtful and not purposely inflammatory.
Filed under: Serious Business, Writing | Tags: drama llama, georgiana grey, gigi silva, gina silva, indie, le gothique
For those not in the loop on the subject of this post, here‘s a good primer.
If you pay much attention to the indie makeup world and the blogs devoted to it, you know that the community has had its fair share of shitstorms: the dubiousness of Lime Crime, Glittersniffer, Bitchslap, Orglamix; the temporary closings of Aromaleigh, Fyrrinae; the sometimes suspicious relationships between bloggers and entrepreneurs. Let’s add another to the pile, shall we?
Le Gothique was a blog run by someone who called herself Georgiana Grey, a feature of which was reviews of independent cosmetic companies’ products. Often going by just “Grey” (knowing she was an AFI fan, I assumed this to be a referential pseudonym), the author never showed her face, preferring to make her avatars and icons photos of her tattooed feet, encased in either boots or high heels. One didn’t know who Grey was or what she looked like, only that her lobes were stretched, her body was inked, and her makeup swatches were clear. (more…)
