Bits of Interest

Here are a few posts and articles that’ve caught my eye recently. Enjoy!

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Breasts according to Beauty Woo Me (as an owner of boobs, I approve of Kate Upton)

PARTY HARD via the L.A. Times (I went to this show…everything said in the article is true. And I got a drumstick out of it)

MAC’s By Request collection at Temptalia and Scrangie (I already know what I want. Now, to get money)

Sephora + Pantone = an orange-er theNotice (graphic design and makeup in one!)

Bucholz continues to be insane over at Cracked (comedy writing is now my dream job)

Models are tortured souls, admits theNotice (I guess it could be worse)

ReBeLs knows their colors: Swatches at Scrangie and All Lacquered Up (I have been looking for that perfect blue forever—IKB:2012 is the one)

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Dogs and Cats: Pros and Cons, Comparing and Contrasting, and Other Parallels and Perpendiculars

I found this collecting dust with my unpublished, unfinished rough drafts. It’s a few months old, so some of it’s a bit passé, but I decided to polish it up. If you want more of this type of writing, I highly recommend Cracked.

In the interest of transparency, I would like to preface this debate [with myself] by saying that I am a well-established “dog person.” Let the transcripts show it. (Is that what they say in court? I haven’t watched Judge Judy, People’s Court, et cetera since my family got cable in 2009 Thanksgiving. That’s how old this post was, y’all.) I will try to not let this affect my journalistic attempts to chronicle the virtues and vices of canines and felines. (Does “and” have any synonyms? I feel as if I think I know I’m being redundant.)
Now, to retcon any and, especially, all fair and balanced coverage promises: Dogs are fuckin’ awesome. Shit, yo. They need their own overenthusiastic advertisement.

Dogs. Do I even need to tell you why they’re humans’ best friends? Just look at the word “dog.” (No, not because it’s “God” backwards, pamphlet-giver.) Now say it. Now look back to “dog.” This is the word “cat” could be, but isn’t, because cats smell terrible. My point is, “cat” is a fucking asshole of a word. “Dog” is laid-back and chill as fuck. You have to contort your face to say “cat,” with its sharp consonants and annoying vowel; not so with “dog.” Just say it, then lay back in your armchair and relax. Smooth, like silk. (Or a dog’s coat. ‘Cuz you can wash it.)

You, the reader who has few social skills and even fewer friends, interject [rudely]: “Of course cats are assholes. They’re independent and smart and skilled predators. Dogs just lay around and chase their tails and chew their balls.”
Well, reader–I, for one, am offended by your blatant disregard for potheads’ cultural customs. Regardless, cats aren’t even “smarter” than dogs (thanks for including sources for your information).
As for your cat being a skilled predator…. What, for more feline marijuana? You hypocrites disgust me. At any rate, you know what being skilled predators makes them? Ninja. Utterly deplorable.

Now that I have established that dogs are lovable pirates with eensy, adorable, peg legs, let me denounce cats further, because I felt the need to segue into the exact same topic.

Cats are quite simply not as cute as dogs. No bullshit, straight-up, 100% pure, uncut cocaine.

Catnip is a gateway drug.

Have you seen those cats with the flat faces? My God. They’re not adorable, they’re fucking pitiful. Upon glancing at them, I almost want to put them out of their teary-eyed misery, just so no one has to clean their inbred faces again. Also, tigers (which are cats) are one of two mammalian species whose young are less cute than the adults. The other species? Kangaroos, because kangaroo babies are still alien jelly bean fetuses attached to monumentally long nipples (the hentai I had to sit through to find that). Anyway, fuck cats.

So, to play Devil’s advocate (Al Pacino, not Keanu Reeves), why are cats cool? Because they are evil. Pure motherfucking undercover evil. Now, almost everyone I reveal this to thinks I am crazy, so let me present this simplistic argument to your simple mind: Do Bond villains have pet dogs? No, they damn well do not. They simply do not. Who did the ancient Egyptians, oppressors of Moses and possibly Jesus Himself, worship? Cats. (Who do Hindus worship? Cows, who are very obvious in their wish to greenhouse us with farts, which is adorable indirect.)

And, what is bad about dogs? Let me rack my brain.

If you don’t take care of them, they suffer, and you feel guilty forever.

Posted in Humor, Miscellaneous, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My Favorite Cosmetics

Title is self-explanatory. Coming to you live (not) from my small (for a blogger) collection, here are photos and descriptions of my favorite products! Note that these are what work for me, not necessarily for you. Links lead to a product’s page on its company’s website.

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The Grey Debacle

For those not in the loop on the subject of this post, here‘s a good primer.

If you pay much attention to the indie makeup world and the blogs devoted to it, you know that the community has had its fair share of shitstorms: the dubiousness of Lime Crime, Glittersniffer, Bitchslap, Orglamix; the temporary closings of Aromaleigh, Fyrrinae; the sometimes suspicious relationships between bloggers and entrepreneurs. Let’s add another to the pile, shall we?

Le Gothique was a blog run by someone who called herself Georgiana Grey, a feature of which was reviews of independent cosmetic companies’ products. Often going by just “Grey” (knowing she was an AFI fan, I assumed this to be a referential pseudonym), the author never showed her face, preferring to make her avatars and icons photos of her tattooed feet, encased in either boots or high heels. One didn’t know who Grey was or what she looked like, only that her lobes were stretched, her body was inked, and her makeup swatches were clear. Continue reading

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CoverGirl Blast Flipsticks

Since I keep spending money on food, I haven’t bought expensive makeup (i.e., costing more than ~$10) in some months. It’s just my luck, then, that drugstore makeup is pretty awesome right now.

I bought these three (well, six) lipsticks from Rite-Aid after seeing Scrangie’s review and swatches. Got another purple in lieu of Tease, though, because: c’mon, purple; b. as pretty as the shimmer side of Tease was, red tends to bore me.

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What’s inside your head?

The other day, it occured to me that it seemed strange that people are able to deal having to be with themselves 24/7 (if one counts dreams). (This stemmed from thinking, not for the first time, How the hell do people not get sick of me? I have great self esteem.) It just seems obvious and self-evident to me that spending too much time inside your own head is bound to make you insane.
But then I remembered that a lot of people aren’t as internal and pensive as I am; I think to myself constantly, holding monologues (dialogues, if boredom strikes hard enough), imagining scenarios, philosophizing if I’m fancy. Normal people seem to me to spend a lot of time holding actual dialogues, doing actual activities, and…listening to other people philosophize. Maybe that’s why they’re normal and I have “hang-ups;” because I think too much, and spend too much time with myself, and am actually mildly crazy.
But I wouldn’t’ve realized that if I hadn’t been thinking about it.

Posted in Miscellaneous, Personal | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

MIA

My sleep schedule refuses to agree with me and I fell from several feet up and hurt my back. It’s difficult to write a blog, let alone finish my college applications. Those are taking precedence over Cockamamied right now, but I’ll get back to this when I start getting nine hours of sleep at night again.

Posted in Miscellaneous | 2 Comments